People pleasers sometimes do not make good business people. I mean, there's got to be a balance between pleasing your customers and killing yourself trying to make everyone happy. Herein lies my biggest achilles heel both as an entrepreneur and as a person striving for healthy personal relationships.
When I decided to revive Vermont Shortbread Company I did so with the commitment that there would be no more 80 hour work weeks, that I would reclaim my own Christmas joy, that I would get enough sleep and not forget to eat and laugh and that I would no longer operate out of chronic financial fear.
Limited batches of shortbread periodically...according to what I could comfortably manage without compromising my health was the answer I came up with. It fits in nicely with the whole Slow Food Movement too. Perfect, right? I think so.
And yet...I feel twinges of guilt. I will feel guilt in advance when I know I will have to tell people that I cannot fill their orders because I've reached capacity. I feel guilt when I tell them that I already have a full time job in which I work 40+ hours a week, a teenager, a house and ongoing health issues. I feel guilty when I tell them that no, there is no shortbread available today.
I suspect that this is part of the master plan - what I am supposed to learn by re-doing this little business - has to do with boundaries and taking care of #1. This is not easy. I so want my friends and my customers to be pleased. And it makes me feel good when they are.
I probably could have avoided all of this discomfort by simply selling the business as originally planned, but in keeping with my personal commitment to compassionately yet assertively speak my mind, that's not a viable alternative. Wondering what could have been would be far worse than the occasional pang of guilt I feel about possibly disappointing someone.
No, it's time for me to get on with this. My health and well-being depend upon it. Do you know what happens to a lifetime of unspoken words? They cause disease and anxiety. I've begun to draw boundaries in my personal world about what is no longer tolerable and what I want to attract. I'm already harvesting some fruits of those efforts and I've pissed a few people off. And so it goes. And so it hurts a little...but it hurts less than if I did nothing.
I am ready to try it in my work life too.
I suspect this is a common theme with small business owners. And I am thrilled I am getting a chance to work through it...with the best customers in the world. Thanks for sticking around.
"Do you know what happens to a lifetime of unspoken words? They cause disease and anxiety." I so know this one, Ann. Congratulations for your truth-telling. I'm glad I stopped by. I'm filled up, not with shortbread, but with your wisdom.
Posted by: Julie Daley | July 09, 2010 at 11:43 PM
I found it interesting you wrote that "You will feel guilty when" and then started to write "I feel guilty when..." Future tense to present tense. Project? People pleasing is a chronic disease. You got to just admit it's you and work at it everyday. But it doesn't mean you stop living. Good luck!
Posted by: Anne Witkavitch | July 10, 2010 at 07:11 AM
Let's look at this another way. A purveyor (that would be you) whose product is in such demand that they can not keep up, is concerned about offending a potential buyer. If that's today's biggest problem, consider it a great day. We should all have such a great product to sell!
Posted by: NCntryRambler | July 10, 2010 at 08:27 AM
yes, Anne, I switched tenses because I haven't actually started making shortbread again, but I am getting little twinges of guilt when people ask me when it will be ready. They say, "We're waiting..." I hear, "You're disappointing us. Hurry up!"
Posted by: ann zuccardy | July 10, 2010 at 08:40 AM
Ann
I'm just catching up here. Looks to me like you are facing quite courageously some real challenges. But as you and your story/blog are positive reference points for me about blogging and business I selfishly hope you will keep on truckin'. And as NCntryRambler suggests, your "excess demand" problem is one a lot of folks would like to have! :)
Posted by: Des Walsh | July 12, 2010 at 12:24 AM
Have you ever considered utilizing the services of a "private label" service?
Basically, a "contract" baker who does all the work - based upon your recipes & quality standards - and fulfills your orders, collects the payments, and sends you the revenue/profit?
Posted by: Paul Israelson | July 13, 2010 at 01:54 PM
Paul, it's one of the options. Thanks for commenting. Is this Paul Israelson formerly of Norwich, CT many decades ago?
Posted by: Ann Zuccardy | July 13, 2010 at 01:56 PM
Trying to please everyone in your world becomes a way of life. I've been living that lifestyle for many years as a husband, an ex-husband, a father, a friend and a business owner. It's a life that becomes very lonely and empty as the "the pleaser".
Posted by: David Loesch | July 18, 2010 at 07:58 PM
Well, all I can say is congratulations..you just did a good job..Reviving a business is not that easy but you made it!...Thumbs up for you!
Posted by: Vermont Weddings | July 20, 2010 at 07:58 AM